I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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