there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
