When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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