I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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