i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
