the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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