Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
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He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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