whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
