Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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