Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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