I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
