All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
