after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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