like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
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doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
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He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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