You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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