Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
