we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she peed on how many people?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
