the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize