I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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