but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
