Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
