Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
