Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
vagina is talking i cant
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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