My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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