i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
