if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Quick, to the slutcave!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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