Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
