I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I AM VODKA MAN
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
PANTIES FOUND
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