you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
