It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.