My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.