i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
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I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
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Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.