I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.