I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
