i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
