idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
