Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
