Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
