I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
