I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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