He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
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Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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