Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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