If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
