I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
