I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
