tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
