i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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