i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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