the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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