dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
