dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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