How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
