He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
