New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
