the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
