does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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