I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
