Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
