Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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