your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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