the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
