i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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