This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
