her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
