im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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