I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
