Have you finally orgasmed yet?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
