I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
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The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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